My Clerical Romance (Rising Action)
Checking In at the Library of Love

It just dawned on me that Valentine’s this year falls on the second day of Lent. What great timing for it to occur on the feast day of a Christian martyr… let us commemorate with more heart-shaped indulgence.

Hello and Happy V-Day once again!

I trust you’re comfy? Perhaps feeling a bit excited after our earlier foray into Filipino romance novels? Well, good news and bad news. The bad news is that we already exhausted our stash of My Special Valentine. The bad news, on the other hand, is that we have a fresh batch of pocketbooks.

Precious Pages has been around for some twenty years, a pioneer in the local romance scene. Aside from winning a handful of awards, the company is notable for the fact that it releases around fifty(!) titles per month, which are distributed the world over. One can only be impressed, really (and at the industry, too). Precious Pages’ flagship series is none other than the acclaimed ‘Precious Hearts Romances’. It has even crossed over into television. Oh, what’s this?


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Categories: [books], [dickery], [pornography]

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My Clerical Romance (Exposition)
Checking In at the Library of Love

Love is in the air! And it smells like disinfectant. Would you be my Valentine? Here’s my latest blood test. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Ah, grumble. Pfft.

I feel you. Especially you single ones who consider yourselves ‘true romantics’. To hell with Valentine’s Day… just count yourselves lucky that you won’t have to deal with the ridiculous traffic, at least. That alone makes your relatives’ condescending remarks worth it – wait, how old are you this year?! Nooo…

For some of you, you might as well face it that today is your once-in-a-year opportunity to get lucky. You therefore want to go about it proper-like. For maximum effect, you will want to avail of all the modern conveniences by which you are allowed to express a thing called love. After all, if it’s worthy to be Instagrammed, then surely it’s impressive.

Someone told me once that the overall air of crazy – the rabble, the traffic, the extortion – was precisely what made Valentine’s special. In short, one has to suffer to make things meaningful. We make our actions mean more, apparently, by mobilizing as a throng, doing the same things collectively, and bringing about mutually assured misery via overload – because nothing says ‘sincerity’ better.

Sad, isn’t it? For all that we know of it, romance is dead. And it’s not only merely dead, it’s really most sincerely D-E-A-D. Today, after all, is that one day of the year in which we convey romantic feelings through prettily ribboned shorthand – prickly flowers, shiny shades of red, and three-hour queues for a garage room. What better way is there to say “I Love You XOXO” but through that which is inclusive of VAT? We don’t murder romance so much as outsource it to professionals.

If you, like this bloggist, find yourself lamenting the travesty that is Valentine’s Day, then you need only read on. When everything in the world stops making sense, please realize happy endings still do happen – and this is true whether you’re single or taken. Romance thrives, of all things, through the written word (also inclusive of VAT).

Thankfully, Valentine’s comes but once a year. Romance novels, on the other hand, are forever. How do we love these? Let us count the ways…


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Categories: [books], [dickery], [pornography]

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Bleateries: The Cheese Steak Shop Manila Giveaway
You Are What eWe Eat

First of all, I apologize to The Cheese Steak Shop Manila for doing that feature. I understand that my post brought about unintended consequences to their respected institution. They said: “There is no explanation for the sudden increase in Italian Hoagie sales other than the timeliness of your write-up.” I truly am sorry for this unexpected upswing in Hoagie demand. Please believe me: I only hoped to improve Cheese Steak sales. Not Hoagie.


Forgive me.

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Categories: [food], [metro]

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Bleateries: The Cheese Steak Shop Manila
You Are What eWe Eat

I’m convinced, at this point, that sharing my face publicly is a guarantee that something pleasantly weird will occur. The Cheese Steak Shop Manila sponsored a Facebook contest late last year, which I joined by sharing a photo of myself in Philadelphia. The photo came from this earlier post about – well – Philly cheesesteak. I took it that CSS Manila liked that post (it was last year’s most read one, anyhow) because soon after that, they invited me to their new Fort Strip branch for a sampling.

As someone with weak fortitude, I didn’t even have to think twice.

It was then when I realized the complications: I cannot take food porn pics. My attempts at food porn were so bad that I had to retire those after half a year. The good folks at CSS Manila, however, told me not to worry. Food porn wasn’t a concern. In fact, they even said that cheesesteak sandwiches, though in different varieties, all sort of looked alike in pictures, anyway. Wait – that kind of addresses my problem, doesn’t it? Photos that look similar but get viewed repeatedly all the same? With plenty of close-ups? That… sounds… familiar. Maybe food porn won’t be so difficult, then? Besides, we know that pictures AREN’T important…


We only read these for the articles. [apologies to Playboy]

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Categories: [food], [metro]

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Germs of an Idea (Part 2)
The Fine Art of Punning

OK, that proposal for a new food series distracted this bloggist from demonstrating his patented punning process. Sorry for that.

Just FYI, this proposed series on food establishments could actually be the perfect opportunity to explore the meticulous approach that this respected blog employs in coming up with terrible puns. For such a direction, specifically, we need to come up with a sheep-related title, similar to the excellent examples Off-Bleat and On The Lamb, but referencing food. Thankfully, due to my years at pun university, I tend to be my own worst critic. Thus, the finely tuned procedure normally takes the form of an internal dialogue between myself and my own worst critic (also myself). It’s a subtle process of deliberation. Psychiatrists have several diagnoses for it, and they all start with ‘awesome as balls’.

What follows demonstrates how one inchoate concept is coaxed gradually into vitality. Incidentally, it may be about as much fun as watching a random stranger giving birth. Please watch your shoes…

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Categories: [food], [language], [verb.anything]

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Germs of an Idea (Part 1)
The Fine Art of Punning

Hello, imaginary reader! I heard you were curious about how this bloggist comes up with awful puns. Don’t panic! I’m sure you’ve seen them on the titles for this electro-blog. Just a general rule: the worse the pun, the worse the post. (Despite the clumsy title, however, this thing isn’t so bad. And, just to clarify that I do not hate children, here’s this thing).

This bloggist is also as adept with other figures of speech, by the way. I also use allusions: like this one, and this one. They are, of course, just as bad.


I like to use my allusions, clearly. [thanks, GnR]

By and large, though, puns remain the clear winner for this loser. And I have my patented punning procedures to thank for this. In my experience, it has proven more reliable than a great automatic grammatizator. Allow me to illustrate…

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Categories: [food], [language], [links], [verb.anything]

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Looking Baa On 2012, Again
The Good, The Blog, and The Ugly

Hello again, internets! You’re just in time for the b-side of our 2012 evaluation. We already went into this eletro-blog’s five most popular postings from last year, so here’s five more. It boggles my mind how this site even racks views, but I’m glad to know that the world isn’t short of bored people. Misery sure loves company – so thanks, everyone.

I can’t read some of last year’s posts now without cringing (one year gives a lot of perspective). Nevertheless, I shall list some more links below – warts, leprosy, and all. These list things make for good filler, didn’t you know? It’s a trusty bloggist fallback during creative bankruptcies – and, on top of that, it’s not considered plagiarism if you rip off your past self. Huzzah!

Thanks for wasting your precious time on these pointless links. Or, for the really sad, your pointless time on these precious links! Please click on…

 

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Categories: [links], [livestock], [verb.anything]

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Looking Baa On 2012
The Good, The Blog, and The Ugly

Howdy, internets! This bloggist understands that most of you are new here – some ‘friend’ sent you, perhaps? In that case, let me welcome you and tell you that your ‘friend’ isn’t to be trusted. Thanks, anyway, for coming here and ignoring your otherwise good taste!

It might interest you to know that this electro-blog peaked sometime in the last couple of weeks. It might also not – but I appreciate the visit(s), all the same.

2012 saw a total of 114 postings – good, bad, and unremarkable. I hope you visit some of them. I try to make my posts as time-insensitive as possible with the aim of making them re-readable. This only means that they get to stay irrelevant longer, high five!

Please allow me to sift through the posts, just the same. The order in which they are presented below also jibes with their popularity count (i.e. visits). A top ten list? How convenient is that?

 

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Categories: [links], [livestock], [verb.anything]

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The Bleat Goes On

And so, we turn a year old. Happy birthday to us!

We launched this electro-blog a year ago to the obligatory ‘why are we here?’ postings. Here’s what I may have posted a year ago (or not)…

This is an online journal dedicated to capturing life’s fleeting moments, which are mostly meals and sunsets (that curiously look like sunrises). This blog is inspired by my pet (or my kid, I don’t remember), as explanation for every morsel of food I put up. I blog because I can’t be bothered to Facebook my exotic whereabouts to the minute (or can I?). What’s this? Jump shot! This is a time capsule that celebrates life. Which is why I slave away in a dim room with eyestrain while the world sleeps. YOLO, matterhumpers.

Call it a justification, a manifesto, a mission-vision, a raison d’être, or a flimsy excuse to indulge our narcissisms – don’t worry, it’s totally cool. Nobody needs to rationalize cyber-pollution. The world needs to know how awesome we are, and how else do we do that?

Well, to answer, there’s Facebook. There’s also Twitter and Instagram. Well, dammit, then. This electro-blog is pointless, after all. Man, I wish I realized this earlier. I really took a lot of food photos…

Happy 2013, everyone! Welcome to the sophomore slump!

Categories: [livestock], [verb.anything]

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Review Notes: The End Is Nice
A Quarterly Greatest Hits Package for the Indifferent Reader

Howdy, stranger. Welcome to our fourth quarterly review. Please don’t run away… this is going to be a quick one. As you may notice, there have only been a total of eighteen postings from October to December this year. Subtracting this very post and last quarter’s recap, we only have an actual tally of sixteen. Pathetic, really.

October was when this bloggist started posting about his two-week European tour. This tour actually happened from August to September this year. It was, of course, sponsored by KLM. For this sellout undertaking, our bloggist began a nine-parter about Amsterdam, which in the real Earth-planet timescale, translated to only two days. This electro-blog is so two-thousand-and-late – but who becomes productive after a vacation, anyway?

October was also when a little known platinum-selling pop group called Wilson Phillips visited Manila. Our bloggist, in case you still weren’t aware, is kind of a fanboy. Because he was still slogging through his Amsterdam notes that month, however, his account of Wilson Phillips’ brief stop showed up only in mid-November (and in two unnecessary parts). The first installment looked at the far past of 1992, while the second found our bloggist face-to-face with the trio (to certain catastrophic consequences). Oh, but I love those girls! My uterine lining weeps at what could have been.

Moving on, December had a slightly more respectable five postings. Just the same, be forewarned about the word count (this bloggist is hopeless without an editor). For this month, the European series continued with a four-parter about Paris – equivalent to just one Parisian day in Earth-hu-man time. Two more Earth-days of this city require documentation, which, by my historical output, would possibly be in seventy-two parts (and finished by January of 2014, I hope).

Lastly, despite the world having ended last week, our bloggist posted THIS THING, a holiday gift guide for the wretched. Please do check it out  – it’s the article exactly right before this one. People seemed to like it… so much that I won’t even attempt to do another update for the year (except for this one… cop out!).

Stats don’t lie – we are indeed ending the year with a bang. Thank you, everyone!

Should you want to (but why would you?), you may also visit our previous 2012 recaps for the first quarter, the second, and the third.

See you in 2013, stranger! I hope you stay around.

 

In the meantime, please follow Verb.Anything.ph on Facebook and be recognized. Why, after all, stay a statistic?

Categories: [links], [livestock], [verb.anything]

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