Every Dog Has Its Day (Part 1)
In Which a Comely Canine Responds About His Horrible Human

Salutations, gentle reader. A warm welcome to you: sir, madam, or otherwise. It has been brought to my attention that my leprous homo sapien recently recorded an entry for this electro-blog about me. Fie on him, and for shame.

While it is perfectly acceptable for gentle folk like myself to use the abbreviated form ‘homo’ to refer to homo sapiens, I have been informed that the term ‘homo’ is considered offensive in these creatures’ idea of society. I shall thus henceforth refrain from using ‘homo’ to opt for the much desirable ‘human’ when describing my homo sapien companion. Trust, however, that my human will nonetheless always be a homo to me. Harumph.

I hereby bring your attention to this human of mine, a half-wit unfortunate who fancies himself a purveyor of invigourating entertainment for modern youngsters. This milk-tea-swilling knave, I daresay, is utter proof of the infinite monkey theorem. To the unread among you, this postulates that a hypothetical monkey has the capacity to eventually produce a readable piece simply by hitting the keys of a typewriter machine at random. The proponents of this theorem presented for their argument a work of Shakespeare as probable output – they obviously do not know my human.

No, sirrah.

This corpulent rapscallion, going by the appellation of ‘Ronan’, decided last week to bring me to a most abhorrent example of a contemporary sporting pursuit, the Doggie Run. Would that he were the one to do the actual running, but no such luck. My fool, in his excellent judgment, would render himself an invalid two days before the race by indulging in some manly exercises without the aid of an electro-bovine waist-belt. He was being an idiot, plain and simple. As he stood about waiting at the finish line, his brother, my proper human, decided to run with me in his stead. This development, while welcome, was still only a small mercy. I noticed that humans do like to tug on their leashes when we venture out for explorations. It takes all my resolve to stay calm but assertive when I pull the leash back in those situations. As a matter of principle, I do not mollycoddle these creatures even though I subscribe to the ethical treatment of humans. You cannot be too humane with these dismal creatures, after all, when imposing your will to forge proper constitutions.

By Jove!

I am not wise to the workings of these electro-blogs, but I surmise that my serial missive shall have to continue in a later episode. You may preoccupy yourself for the meantime with other typewriting Bards of a simian sort. Please follow this electro-link for the conclusion.


I remain, yours, most humbly,

Archer (Mr.)

This blog is not affiliated with Pet Express, but is thankful to them for organizing Doggie Run 2012.

Categories: [dogs], [fashion], [fitness]

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