Facebook Fiend

I realize that I have just become the very definition of an annoying blogger. Facebook friends, please forgive me for spamming your walls to ‘Like’ my page (YOU MAY DO SO HERE).

To make amends, I shall offer today a quick instructional on how to reduce unwanted exposures from an annoying Facebook page that your ‘friend’ only forced you to like.

Please read on for more information. Some of these tips may save your dignity in the future from horrible individuals intent only on getting you to click that ‘Like’ button as if their poor excuses for lives depended on it.

First off, you should not give in to those ‘Please like me…’ requests, especially if they are coming from a casual friend. This approach, by the way, will apply to anyone who likes to indiscriminately post status updates, in effect spamming your wall. You need to shut them out like so…

Let’s suppose that you have a friend called ‘Carlo’ (not his real name) who has just posted something on your wall that is a clear appeal for attention. You can simply click on that arrow button dropdown thing to the right of this wall post of his (or her, if ‘Carlo’ happens to be a girl):

And there we are! You may click those various options to remove (i.e. hide) that post (i.e. story) from your wall, tell Facebook admin that ‘Carlo’ is a potential sex offender or spammer, delimit your exposure (i.e. subscription) to this questionable Facebook contact, or unsubscribe to his (or her) updates or his (or her) very person. Incidentally, you do not need to unsubscribe from him (or her). You only have to click ‘Only Important’ under ‘Subscribe to ‘Carlo’’ because everyone knows that nothing important will come out of this person, anyway. That much is clear. Please note, at this point, that ‘Carlo’ is very much a dude. He’s a very good friend of mine and is very safe for work. I only used ‘her’ for illustrative purposes because I am a politically correct individual who does not want to alienate his/her lady friends (if any). Thanks for participating, ‘Carlo’. Moving on…

Let’s pretend this time that another ‘friend’ coerced you into liking her (or his) page. For discussion purposes, we’ll call this page ‘My Fashion Juice’ (another fictitious name). ‘My Fashion Juice’, to which you have subscribed inadvertently, has just posted an update onto your wall, asking you to like this godawful page called ‘Verb.Anything.ph’ (unfortunately, not fictitious). You need to do something similar with what you did with ‘Carlo’ and click on that arrow button dropdown thing to the right of this wall post of hers (‘My Fashion Juice’? we have to assume it’s a woman):

As we can see here, you have fewer options compared with earlier. You may hide that story/post from your wall, report ‘My Fashion Juice’ to Facebook admin, or enforce a blanket command to hide everything coming in from ‘My Fashion Juice’. This last option, I regret to say, is our only recourse in this matter. We need to stop this mad woman from telling us to support this ‘Verb.Anything.ph’ Internet-viewing page. She is the very definition of viral and she seems bent on infecting us all with ‘Verb.Anything.ph’. Please note, at this point, that ‘My Fashion Juice’ is a lady blogger. She’s a very good friend of mine and is very safe for work. You may support her site through my sidebar, but why would you do that? Moving on, again…

You clicked on that ‘Like’ button, didn’t you? You poor thing… No worries! We can remedy that. I know it seemed like a good idea last night, but here’s your morning-after pill (the Church doesn’t need to know). Please don’t panic. All you have to do is go to the Facebook page of ‘Verb.Anything.ph’, then click on that checked ‘Liked’ button thing after the page title:

You only need to look at the last two choices here. Firstly, you will notice that ‘Show in News Feed’ is checked. Click on that and ‘Verb.Anything.ph’ will not bother you through your news feed anymore – a good prospect, if I may say so. The bottom option is ‘Unlike’. This option can also be accessed through the gear button rightmost from the checked ‘Liked’ button that’s beside the page title:

The only options worth noting here are ‘Remove from My Page’s Favorites’, ‘Unlike’, and ‘Report Page’ – the rest are just there to bait you into doing something you will regret later on.

So there’s that ‘Unlike’ option that Facebook seems to have made redundantly accessible – you cannot NOT see this, basically. You will want to click that ‘Unlike’ button but not for the reasons you’re thinking. ‘Unlike’ simply means ‘different from’ or ‘dissimilar to’… which are both prepositions of a comparative sort (it can also be an adjective meaning ‘dissimilar’). Will you click on a button that says ‘Different From’? No, you won’t, because you speak proper English. You will ask, ‘Different from what?’ The answer is darkness. The darkness will eat your eyes and bring about the consumption of all souls in this dimension. You cannot escape the darkness and your heart will always shed a bloody tear at each sunset because it knows this. It knows this! YOU have been warned! Holy crap, is that my friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, peeking through the panel in that last image?

If you click ‘Unlike’, you will be in effect saying that ‘Verb.Anything.ph’ is UNLIKE anything out there. While you may think that this is true, you don’t want to endorse ‘Verb.Anything.ph’ in this manner because that website is hopelessly derivative of other blogs. Click if you like, but you’ll be a liar. Also, the page admin will know that you clicked it, potentially compromising your casual acquaintance-level online-only friendship with him.

If you want to stop being associated with ‘Verb.Anything.ph’, you will need the ‘Dislike’ button. This is a Facebook trap, you see, because there is no ‘Dislike’ button. There is only darkness…

 

Many thanks to Carlofrend, My Fashion Juice, and Abe Olandres for their unwitting participation.

Categories: [language], [livestock], [self-help], [verb.anything], [web]

[2] Comments

2 Comments »

  • ai cajucom says:
    March 10, 2012 A.D. at 4:58 PM

    Ro, nice write-up! And may I just mention thay while I’m reading this article, it feels like hearing you personally with all those side comments! Haha! Wittingly so you! Keep it up!

    [Reply]
    • Ronan says:
      March 10, 2012 A.D. at 5:28 PM

      thanks, ai cajucom! i wrote this through dictaphone!

      [Reply]

 

Leave a Reply