It’s More F In the Philippines (Part 4: Odds and Ends)
A Vulgar Voyage About the Archipelago

Welcome to the new month, where we drag out old ideas from the last month until they’re no longer relevant. If there’s a dead horse, trust us to be there to beat it deader. Our equine carcass piñata of the moment, for our accidental visitors, is all about places in the Philippines with dirty (Tagalog) names. Our previous chapters can be viewed (in order): here, here, and here.

In this, our last installment (thankfully), we visit places that are not exactly body parts and not exactly verbs. They’re not exactly genius either, but that’s only fitting, isn’t it? Here at Verb.Anything, our topics are contrived to the point of appealing merely to the most abominable demographics – we’re only too happy to serve!

This does not apply to you, of course. You’re special. I really don’t know why you’re still reading this, respectable reader. You shouldn’t be here.


As with anything we’ve ever done in life, our final jaunt starts with Libog. This is in Albay, although we understand that Cebu also has its own Libog, sometimes called Libug or Lib-og (the syllabic emphasis varies with the urgency, it seems). Surigao del Norte, on the other hand, has Mainit, boasting of a sweltering body of water in – well – Lake Mainit. A short hop away, one can revel in the sweet humidity of Basa, Agusan del Sur. Too hot? Too wet? Too exhilarating? There’s no way to truly say until one reaches Sarap, Palawan – there’s no turning back when one gets to Sarap Point, and most especially when one reaches the peak of Mt. Sarap. Mmmm…

We proceed northward to Bataan to locate Tigas River, an engorged waterway. This isn’t to be confused with the other Tigas River in Antique, which one assumes is near Mt. Tigas in neighboring Capiz. Boy scouts, of all people, will most absolutely pitch a tent here – it could also be an excellent place for camping. They’ll likewise want to visit Tigas, Quezon for its upright citizens… they can be seen daily at the cock’s crowing in nearby Tigas Point. One can only wonder if it’s the same in faraway Tayoan Island, Tawi Tawi. It does sound exciting, doesn’t it?

After all has been said and done, one has to stop and reap one’s just rewards. One should then go to Labasan in Mindoro Oriental, where one can experience the strong surge of the Labasan River. It doesn’t get better than this, does it? Maybe not… unless one experiences the Labasan River multiple times, which is possible through a namesake river that spans both Zamboanga del Norte and Zamboanga del Sur. Labasan proper seems to straddle the two provinces (being torn between those two must be a sticky situation). One may visit either or both provinces and come as often as one wants, although we hear guys usually only manage once. Frequent travelers may end up in Agusan proper.

At this point, we want to bring everybody’s attention to several places that have been confounding our outstanding readers. We are in no way endorsing the two places called Malitbog (in Bukidnon and Southern Leyte), which are overachievers from our standpoint. We apologize, as well, for any mix-up caused by Mankayan, Benguet, which may not be as hands-on as hoped. We likewise do not recall any growth activity worth touching on for Nagbukel, Ilocos Sur. In the same manner, we want to warn our Japanese friends to not expect too much of Bukawe in Cebu – although showers usually occur later in the year, it is rarely in a collective fashion. Lastly, we cannot recommend Hinoba-Ari in Negros Occidental – we think it’s overexposed and in a wrong way.

From our dsexylic travails, we head straight to Bakla in Iloilo, if that’s at all possible. The Church may not even acknowledge its existence. From there, it’s definitely a drag going to Bading in Butuan. What about the other side? One only needs to look toward Luzon, to Pampanga and Ilocos Sur, with each having their own Tibo. In Leyte, on the other hand, one may find Tib’o, its butch accent mark no doubt brought on by the strong course of the Tibo River. With so many interesting places, one must really try to mix it all up. As some people would point out, the best way may not always be the straightest one.

And that concludes are intimate trek across the Philippines. It’s certainly been fun laying bare all these places that one never hoped to find outside their post-childhood dreams. It was truly enjoyable to flesh this thing out.

We hope it was good for you too. Now, go find something to cuddle.

Categories: [culture], [language], [pornography], [travel]

[2] Comments


  • Edison says:
    March 10, 2012 A.D. at 12:28 AM

    thanks for the laughs on a drear rainy day here. And congrats on the site, and the, huh, career shift? Anyways, how much of this post was researched and how much was just part of your natural greenness and dementedness, I wonder?

    • Ronan says:
      March 10, 2012 A.D. at 12:02 PM

      dude, there is no career shift. i’m still very much a chinese stereotype (more on that soon). the ‘research’ was exactly as i described it – i came up with a list of dirty words and put them in a search engine. so, to answer, 100% was researched using 100% depravity. thanks for reading!



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