Name In Vain (Part 1)
A Really Redundant Review of Ronans

For what it’s worth, the Internet has made all sorts of information accessible to all sorts of people. Google is indeed a good venue to type in one’s name if only to reap a certain narcissistic pleasure at the results (I hope your name isn’t “Butch Cuckoldry”).

On this most special of days, after doing a search on my name, I am proud to say that my sex tape hasn’t yet turned up on the Net (but I suspect it’s because nobody even bothers with Betamax conversion anymore). Clearly, the world isn’t ready for such a glorious chronicle of extraordinary human exploits that it can persuade many a grown person to burst into tears.

While searching for that said document, however, I chanced upon some noteworthy instances of my nickname. The etymology given on Wikipedia may even help explain the latter part of the previous paragraph. Yes, my name has its own Wikipedia entry. That page lovingly details how my name is derived from a blubbery marine mammal of a particularly petite stature. To quote:

Rónán (anglicized Ronan) is an Irish language male given name meaning “little seal” (Rón meaning “seal”, and -án being a diminutive suffix).

While I am amused to find out that there are seals in Ireland, I am also driven to a bit of overcompensation. I don’t really mind having my name associated with a shiny streamlined sea creature with whiskers and a penchant for fishy things, but it would have been nice were it not especially small.

Perhaps something bigger with a bushy handlebar? [thanks, Wikimedia]

However emasculating, Ronan is in fact a name fit for kings and saints – but I’m merely stating the obvious (please humor me). Back in the medieval ages, the Irish kingdom of Leinster was ruled by someone called Rónán mac Colmáin. What is fascinating about this is the fact that there were actually two persons called Rónán mac Colmáin who existed within the same period such that historians now get confused as to which one was king (nowadays, we only get confused about which Kendrick Chua we went to school with). One could only imagine how awkward it would be should the barista at the Leinster Starbucks call out “Orange Mocha Frapuccino for Rónán mac Colmáin!” This is a problem because only one of the two Ronans may claim that drink. After all, everybody knows that Orange Mocha Frapuccino is a beverage fit only for kings.

And those who are ridiculously good looking. [thanks, Zoolander]

There were also some religious personages who went by Ronan – just a smattering of bishops and saints, no biggie. There were at least twelve saints named Ronan, including two Irish saints  Rónán mac Beraig and Rónán Finn son of Sárán. Because nobody bothers with historical accuracy, the latter eventually became conflated with the former (even though the latter’s dad could have invented plastic cling wrap). Another Irish holy man, St Ronan of Locronan, was a hermit who traveled all the way to France to establish a village called – let me finish – Locronan. It’s no surprise, of course, that St Ronan became the town’s patron saint (whose feast day is exactly ten days from now). Locronan, the town that was founded and named after St Ronan reputedly means “hermitage of Ronan”, which is also incidentally what my neighbors call my room in our village in grand Quezon City.

Although I prefer the term Ronan’s man-cave… of LOVE.

Please join me again later for the next installment. I’m afraid this bloggist has certain anniversary obligations to attend to. See you in a bit!

Categories: [miscellaneous], [web]

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