Review Notes: Nothing to See Here
A Quarterly Greatest Hits Package for the Indifferent Reader

The good news is that, following this bloggist’s shameless attempt at self-promotion on Facebook earlier this month, this site has been getting a respectable number of visitors daily. I may have underestimated the bored and lonely demographic. You don’t want to be here, I know, but you have my gratitude. Thank you, everyone.

Before my Facebook spam rampage, I first made sure that I had a decent number of postings here. The magic number was something like twenty five – a mixture of inane and pointless, all containing my best ideas.

Here’s the bad news though: by waiting that long before promoting this page, I have only ensured that I won’t anymore have anything readable once you wonderful people start coming in. I’m sorry but I have no more ideas that are worth the posting. I am a has-been. I have no more ace up my sleeve, no more ink in my pot, and no more Manila on my concert tour itinerary.

I’m warning you now that the next few weeks will be boring. Seriously, you’re better off viewing the old stuff. I shall point you in the right direction so you don’t have to read through each post. You don’t have to read – most of them have pictures. This is like a greatest hits album appended with ‘Volume 1’ as a form of wishful thinking.

I promise that I won’t waste your time any more than that which you normally waste yourself while ‘working’. Besides, what were you thinking to while away the prime of your years? Visiting the links on my sidebar? Those are my friends, you know, and I have been known to keep very bad company.

Please read on for the list of articles with short explanations for each. Thanks again!

 

:: A Philadelphia Sorry [Jan 6] ::
I intended this to be my one disposable write-up about food and travel. Although I have been known to indiscriminately shove things down my gullet, I don’t often get the chance to visit new places. I channeled my inner awesome and retro-fitted the write-up around some photos from a trip last year as a form of pastiche. Funnily though, I developed a newfound respect for food and travel bloggers after because I found that it was not easy at all. The piece took around thirty minutes to do – but it was really a very difficult thirty minutes. Surprisingly, it was also fun. I enjoyed referencing Monty Python and telling an outright lie (i.e. I was actually invited to join the New York City parade). I got a lot of good feedback from this one, which means that I may have to do more food and travel articles in the future (heaven help us).

 

:: Yu-Ga-Oh! [Jan 10] ::
Together with that Philadelphia post, this sort of helped me find the tone that I wanted for the blog. I aimed to come up with an ‘exclusive’ celebrity feature and decided on my friend, Abe. The idea that he was a celebrity was just too ripe for me. He’d always been a natural cult personality, so I figured to exploit him to my own designs because why not? Who else would? What are friends for if not for exploitation? The bastard didn’t even have the decency to promote his own feature (I should have featured a proper celebrity). In the end, I discovered that the stuff in here that I said I wouldn’t do were rather fun. This could be my favorite so far. I really think it’s worth the length.

 

:: The Food Porn Series ::
Well, duh. Food bloggers and porn bloggers need not have all the fun. I decided that doing write-ups would be easier compared to styling food to look like genitalia. Check them out HEREHEREHEREHERE, and HERE. The concept took off from Debbie Does Deltoids [Jan 4], which your depraved minds should also enjoy.

 

:: Born to Be Wiped [Feb 6Feb 9] ::
This was motorcycle week. Why? Because fuck those motorcycles. Part one had permutations of human jelly descriptions. Part two had physics, a nod to Street Fighter II, and the Bourne players guesting.

 

:: It’s More F in the Philippines [Feb 25Feb 27Feb 29Mar 1] ::
An exercise in finding places with dirty Tagalog words as names which was more successful than I expected. This drove up Verb.Anything’s Facebook ‘virality’ to something like 4000% a few weeks ago. I really shouldn’t be proud of this, but you most probably stumbled upon this website because of this series.

 

:: Chinese New Year Week [Jan 23Jan 25] ::
Chafing the Dragon, in which I tried some cultural commentary, is probably my grumpiest article so far. Mart Time Lover – pardon the sucky title – is my attempt to counterbalance my grumpy with juvenile Engrish. I should be working on the follow up.

 

:: Old Dogs, New Tricks [Mar 15Mar 16Mar 17] ::
While you’re at it, why not go through this relatively new piece about running with a big dog. It’s a three-parter that contains very little sexual gags (which was why I crammed it with poop jokes toward the end). I hope you find it helpful. If not, you’ll see that it’s at least loaded with unsolicited dog photos.

 

:: Facebook Fiend [Mar 10] ::
Oh, by the way, I have both Facebook and Twitter. I may gather the resolve to be active on those soon. If not, this little instructional can teach you how to default on your decision. Please like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, anyway. You can pretend to be my friend without any form of personal investment.

 

Thanks again for visiting. I hope you come back soon. I sure won’t blame you if you don’t, however. There’s nothing to see here.

Please move along, now…

Categories: [links], [livestock], [verb.anything]

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