A Centerpiece On Celebrity Cruelty

As some of you may know, I was recently baited into doing a post that I did not want to do. I apologize for that, but I also still have some issues to clear out, as a continuation of that post…

First of all, I don’t like name-dropping. I’m sure many people also feel the same way. Let’s say, only for the purpose illustration, that I tell you folks right now that I know Abe Olandres of Yugatech and am friends with him. He’s the one in the image on the left. He’s also the one in the next photo which you will see if you decide to click ‘read more’. I implore you, dear readers, to please do. It won’t be good reading, but it’ll have many photos of Abe Olandres of Yugatech.

Here’s the photo that I promised you:

My friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech.

Again, what if I told you, for the sake of name-dropping, that I knew Abe Olandres of Yugatech?

This statement can generally bring about three reactions:

Reaction 1: “Who?” (Then I’ll come across like some desperate idiot.)

Reaction 2: “… who cares?” (And I’ll still come across like some desperate idiot.)

Reaction 3: “Nice to know… I hope he doesn’t use this connection as a desperate idiot would.”

Reaction 4: “Really? Then you must be a desperate idiot.” (This statement is correct, since I can’t even count.)

The thing is, if I actually said that I’m friends with Abe Olandres of Yugatech (being the only person of note in my contact list), I probably am a desperate idiot for the mere act of saying it. I’m not disparaging the dude. I just worry that I’ll give off the impression that I’m some opportunistic bastard looking to leverage our relationship to promote my blog (please follow me on Facebook and Twitter). We really are friends, though, unfortunately for us both. Please check out his blog here. He is one of the country’s most popular bloggers and is a noted expert on technology. Go there now. You don’t want to waste your time here, especially if you love the guy (I know I do!).

I really do!

Incidentally, I stole the above pictures from Abe Olandres of Yugatech’s Facebook page because we’re friends. This is a citation: I stole it directly from Abe Olandres of Yugatech. Please do not steal the above graphic for any purpose. I worked really hard on that. If you have the strong urge to ‘borrow’, just let me know.

I don’t like name-dropping for the fact that it often makes one seem boastful (as if awesome can be transferred by osmosis). Luckily for me, the fact that I just name-dropped Abe Olandres of Yugatech cannot be considered much of a boast. Not by far. As far as celebrity is concerned, he’s really just something of a cult personality whom you would know only if you: 1.) are familiar with the local tech community; or 2.) have been recruited into his cult with the promise of meeting Ghrgllr, the eight-headed primordial goat-octopus of the twelfth inversion, after Abe himself eats your heart. Abe Olandres of Yugatech is world famous (in the Philippines (as long as you have Internet (and follow blogs))).

Tech blogger, Internet entrepreneur, Grand Viscount of the High Church of Ghrgllr.

It sounds so empty. I know I won’t be doing any name-dropping soon. I totally didn’t enjoy mentioning that I am friends with Abe Olandres of Yugatech, noted tech blogger.

I guess the same applies to certain ‘exclusive’ occurrences: celebrity encounters, private events, and pretty much anything that conveys ‘privilege’. I’ll refrain from doing those when I can because I’m sensitive and I don’t want people hating on me for it (especially since I just used a redundant preposition).

Another thing that I know I’m vehemently against is the pointless personal attack. I find it a waste of time. Take, for example, what happened to my friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, a few years ago. He once commented about what constitutes libel or slander online in his authority as an Internet personality in light of the Gucci Gang incident, and received a slew of unjustified remarks. People just poured on the hate (i.e. hating on him) and my friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, had to endure being called ‘shithead’, ‘fuckface’, ‘fuckhead’, ‘shitface’, ‘shitfuck’, ‘fuckshit’, ‘headface’, and some twenty other permutations of those nasty words (they weren’t very creative). I don’t like that, no sir. We can’t have none of that here. For Verb.Anything, I won’t post anything that can be considered an unwarranted personal attack against anyone. I’ll also try to avoid that kind of uncouth language. We be all civilized like. We don’t say ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’ here.

Now for something utterly creative…

Of course, this does not mean that I will tolerate any form of personal attack against myself. The gloves come off if that happens, especially if those attacks are leveled against my family or friends. I recall, when the Gucci Gang incident involving my friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, was at its peak, a rather hurtful comment posted against him. I remember clearly that a certain Anonymous 4:42PM said: “Abe Olandres is a big, ugly gorilla!!!!! Exclamation points!!!!!” That hurt me… probably more than it hurt my friend, since he did not even get to read it. I felt that I owed it to Abe Olandres of Yugatech to defend his honor and so replied: “Anonymous 4:42PM, Abe Olandres of Yugatech is my friend. Please don’t call him big.

Anonymous 4:42PM, whoever you are, please know that you are lucky. It is easily within Abe Olandres of Yugatech’s vast powers to track you down where you live. One keystroke is all it takes. How can you even associate him with the Gucci Gang? Did your mom expel you ten months early? Everybody who’s anybody knows that Abe Olandres of Yugatech is a renowned tech blogger, a respected Internet entrepreneur, and the Grand Viscount of the High Church of Ghrgllr.


I’ve just recently been informed that Anonymous 4:42PM, typical of most trolls, posted a rebuttal with the ‘new’ username of Anonymous 7:27PM (nice try, you copulating poopface). He is insinuating in his new post that Abe Olandres of Yugatech and I are gay lovers. Even for a faceless troll, I found this insulting. Dear Anonymous 4:42PM (or 7:27PM), I would have you know that if I were gay, I’d have more taste! Gay, you say? You don’t know gay! You do not have any objective basis as far as gay is concerned because you’ve never been invited to a pride parade in a major city. If I were gay, I’m sure my beard will still look better than your wife. Hell, I will still look better than your wife! Even my hypothetical gay lover, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, will look better than your wife! You say I’m gay, you homophobe? If we both stop shaving, you’ll be the one who’ll grow a beard on his arm! If I break your nose, you’ll probably even have it checked with a gynecologist. There’s a difference, you confused idiot! You should go to an obstetrician instead because your face will look like a caesarean-in-progress when you mess with me and Abe Olandres of Yugatech! Zing! We’re unbeatable!

Even with questionable headgear.









(five seconds’ awkward silence)

I’m sorry for the outburst, especially to all my brothers and sisters under Ghrgllr almighty of the twelfth inversion (Balintawak chapter). This verily demonstrates why I refuse to indulge in personal attacks of any sort. Sheer futility notwithstanding, arguing online just makes me sad. The world would be a much better place if we all just channeled our life vibrations into much more positive vibration-things. We’re all just one big extended family, after all – one family under Ghrgllr and his avatar, the Grand Viscount Abe Olandres of Yugatech!


I hope everything is clear now. Those are just some more things that I’ll avoid for this blog. As you all saw, it wasn’t fun at all. Just to run them by everyone again: no name-dropping (or anything impossibly ‘exclusive’), no foul language (especially ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’), no personal attacks, and absolutely no naked photos.

What’s that, again? I did not mention anything about naked photos, you say? I’ll be clear about it – I won’t post any naked photos here. For those of you who are not familiar with the mind-boggling concept of ‘naked photos’, they look like this (but more naked):

Click to enlarge thumbnails.

Many thanks to my friend, Abe Olandres of Yugatech, for his unanticipated participation (unanticipated for him). Please visit his blog here for the best tech updates on the Internet (Philippine branch). Bookmark his blog if you like, but do tell him that Ronan sent you. It’s ok. The headface can’t hurt me anymore. YUGA SEES EVERYTHING!

* Special thanks to my brother for the nekkid photos.

Categories: [celebrity], [links], [livestock], [verb.anything], [violence], [web]

[No Comments]

No Comments »

Leave a Reply